我的他受伤了...

[30/1/08 的早晨]

被撞了…
今天早上…
直接影响了我整天的心情…
有些郁闷…
有些心痛…
有些懊恼…
有些…
有些…

在一个不想闯黄灯的情况下
结果后面的冲力更大
真正的感觉到了那份力量
“砰”!!!
一个年轻的女孩, 在望后镜里出现
小小的一辆浅棕色KERISA
在交通等拐弯处前, 示意要我绿灯后往前再停下来解决
很好… 不用披上“妨碍他人”的名堂

其实心里有一个小小的预算…
自己的车后应该不会有过大的严重事的…
看见自己bumper 中间凹进去了
而她…
车灯爆… 车旁凹… bumper破…
比我的严重许多…

她很淡定的应付这场交通意外…
年纪只有20岁的她… 拥有比较成熟稳定的态度

"dy, i'm in an accident again......"

心里在盘算着… AGAIN??? 不是第一次撞车了???!

“怎样? 要报警吗?”

“我是P牌喔…”
“你赶着工作吗? 我也赶着上课…”
“嗯… 我会赔, 你留下电话号码, 我再联络你!”

把她的身份证, 车牌号码, 电话号码全都抄下…
明明今天带了相机, 却忘了照下一切…

不久后…

"hello, i'm Mr Wong, just now my daughter met an accident with you this morning right? what's your car model?"
"toyota corona"
"do you have a mechanic nearby?"
"yes, in uptown."
"only the bumper is affected right?"
"at the moment from what i see is that the bumper is dented in the middle"
"ok, why not you bring to your mechanic and see how much they quote, and i'll check with my mechanic on the price as well"
"but your mechanic no need to look at the condition to quote? how do they quote?"
"i'll will drop by today either during lunch time or after my meeting this afternoon, i have a meeting today at 2:30pm"

他愿意赔偿
他愿意负责
他愿意承担
只是为了害怕我报警??!

"i'll settle this, you dont report you know!"
"why?"
"my daughter is still on P license, within 2 years if P license met with an accident, they will have to retake their test again!"
"i see....."

原来有这样的一个条例, 我现在才懂…

"i'll bring my mechanic to come over at 4:30pm today... coz he's coming to collect my daughter's car, so he'll come over and take a look, than arrange to pick up your car to repair tomorrow"

突然有种不信任的警备在脑海中出现…
突然有些不想[别人]把我车子带走…
突然有点缺乏安全感…

"why you worried that they will take your car and don't return is it? don't worry, i'll take care of it?"

心里在想… 你又是谁?
我既然不信任他的mechanic
我也不认识他, 又凭什么信任他?

"yes, whatever is required, either knock it out or change the whole bumper"
"NO, i DON'T WANT the bumper to be changed... it's an old car... unless your mechanic can change the same bumper..."

我强烈的反映着…

"it's an old car and i wish to remain as original as possible.... sigh..."
"ok, we'll try to fix it to your satisfactory"

他应着…

同事刚刚走下来…

“怎么, 你车被撞啊?”
“是咯… 她来不及break… 很心痛…”
“啊? 不是越久的车越takda rasa咩? 我是这样的, 所以我车也没什么理的!”

我不是她…
车被撞一次, 我就伤感一次…

车第一次被拖… 我看着它… 连眼睛都会泛红…
感觉它好象要离开我一样…

车第一次被撞.. 不懂凶手是谁…
我就这样傻傻的看着被撞的部份呆了一阵子…
脑袋一片空白…
不懂当下应该拥有怎样的情绪才对…
就好像心在找… 反复翻着…
试图像要找到一个对的情绪才慢慢的把它释放出来…

同事一次parking, 小小的一辆kancil竟然把我强硬的bumper给翻开了一边…
她提起勇气老老实实的向我报告…
心怀深深歉意的…

而我… 当下很想… 却又不能…
顿时也不懂该怎样反映才对…
只能尽量不让自己的负面思绪, 情绪浮现…
自己人… 骂了又如何? 责怪了又如何?
对事情有帮助吗?
还得每日相见… 又何必?

不管车子被撞的伤害大小…
还是会心痛…
还是会不舍…

失落的情绪…
今天, 我让它布满整个天空
今天, 我允许它放肆的翱翔
今天, 我决定同情自己
今天, 我决定软弱
好想哭一哭来发泄自己的心痛…
好想…